You Know You're A New Yorker When ...

I just found this from a Facebook group and thought it was humorous. Living in NY, I could definitely relate. The list was much longer but picked only the best.
New York City is crazy like this:

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building
3. You're always looking out for cool free things to do in the Village Voice
4. When you're standing in a packed subway car with 200 hundred other people and everyone manages to avoid looking at each other
5. $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag
6. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns
7. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
8. You get pissed at people who say they're from NY and they tell you they're from upstate
9. You can pick out the tourists when they turn their heads to the "ladies and gentlemen this is an important announcement from the MTA" message
10. You know what a bodega is.
11. You're on the train and you see two kids walk in and one says "EXCUSE ME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN..."
12. When you're in the background of a tourists' photo.
13. You use the rats in the subway tracks to tell you when the train's approaching the station
14. When you say "mad" and "son"
15. You don't buy newspapers in the morning, because you know somebody will leave theirs on the train
16. Your door has more than three locks.
17. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
18. You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
19. You don't buy a copy of the Sunday Times without checking if it has all the sections.
20. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form
21. When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
22. You hate it when your out of town and you ask people where they're from and they say the city, so you say what part? and they say one the following: New Jersey, Long Island or Westchester. That's not the city!
23. You know that Staten Island, although a borough of New York City, isn't really part of the city at all
24. There are 3 bodegas in a 1 block radius.
25. When you are surprised that other places actually have school sports and cheerleaders
26. You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
27. You wonder what the fuck "pop" is
28. You hate it when people that sit opposite you on the train stare at you.
29. You can ignore homeless people without feeling too bad
30. You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
31. The only reason you don't like HS is because NY is the only state with the Regent
32. There's a Kennedy's Fried Chicken close to where you live
33. Your local news is national news.
34. More than half of the people you know have names that take 3+ tries to pronounce correctly
35. There is no North and South ... it's uptown or downtown
36. When you see at least one person you know no matter where u are or when
37. You hate it when ppl who live upstate call themselves "new yorkers?'
38. When you see those big red tourist buses and want to throw shit at them...
39. You can walk through "The City" for hours and not get tired but once your out of NYC and walk for 10 minutes you feel exhausted.
40. You don't own a "I LOVE NEW YORK" shirt
41. You're so tired of hearing "If you see something say something", or the Spanish version: Si ves algo, di algo, in either the subway or LIRR
42. You watch movies and TV shows "filmed" in NYC and say "wtf..that shit does NOT exist anywhere in the city
43. You have trained yourself to hold your breath upon entering a subway elevator
44. You move up one block to steal the cab from the person waiting for it below you
45. When you've held the trains doors open so you and 50 of your friends can get in.
46. You refuse to eat pizza anywhere other than NYC because the pizza everywhere else is just horrible in comparison
47. You can tell a bum from a crackhead-bum and you disperse your money accordingly
48. You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.
49. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet
50. When you refuse to pay for a newspaper ever since the am and metro came out
51. People from other states can't tell a polar bear from a peanut, but they know you're from NY the second you open your mouth.
52. Rather than waiting safely on the sidewalk to cross the street, you wait inches away from speeding traffic waiting to cut through it.
53. You never take the first newspaper in the stack at a news stand.
54. You consider Westchester "upstate"
55. You walk a mile in 13 minutes and think that everything should be open 24/7.
56. Yellow light means speed up. Red light means speed up because you know have that 1 second pause until the other light turns green.
57. Communicating with people on the road only takes one finger.
58. You order your dinner and have it delivered from the place across the street.
59. Rats are your new subway friends.
60. You know exactly which subway car & door is closest to the stairs at the stop ur getting off
61. You have jaywalked in front of a cop. More than once. And they didn't care.
62. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual
63. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple"
64. You can't find an umbrella anywhere when its nice out but the second it rains 5 people are fighting to sell them on the same block
65. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid
66. You get lost whenever you drive in long island b/c you're used to all the street being numbered

Not bad, right? You might want to read this other article below that I thought was a mind scratcher, for me at least. It's a lil' long though. What is it about? Well, if you ever had a friend ask that you help them out but didn't know if you should.

Or, if you ever been overwhelmed with your current work and, after being asked for favors many times, you still didn't want to help others simply because you know you'll feel guilty afterwards, then this article will give you a way to think about things differently. A way that to filter all future favors. he he. Almost sounds like a commercial. No worries though. It isn't. It's just an article and it helped me a lot and feel more people should read it.

Also, since right now you're into NY stuff, a friend wrote about how to walk like a New Yorker... if you're a tourist thinking of visiting. This second article is nothing great but, eh, something I guess if you're interested.

Labels: funny, nyc

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